How to Help Grieving Students

Meet Them Where They Are

It is so hard to see others who are grieving at their core. It’s hard. It hurts…. Even to those who are trying to help them. Meet your students where they are in this process. One way to do this is to empathize with them and try to understand what it would feel like in their shoes and with their perception of the event. It’s not your experience… so try to understand it through their eyes.

Perception is a huge facet of trauma. Something you may perceive as being not too bad, may in fact be terrible in a 5-year olds mind. Also, what they perceive as being dangerous in/during the event can lead to more trauma because they feel what happened was in a horrible environment. Keep in mind, just because you think it wasn’t that bad… doesn’t mean it’s not horrifying in their eyes.

Grief is not one-size-fits-all. There are many ins and outs of grief. Sometimes, grief just takes time… a loooooong time. Don’t expect kids to get over what happened three, six or even 12 months after a loved one has died or left. Depending on the circumstances grief can last forever. I hear teachers say this all the time and it breaks my heart… “ I know it was hard, but that happened last year… shouldn’t he/she be handling this better?” My answer is… NOPE! They are handling it exactly as they need to. I always assess the situation and if it’s something that I need to continue sporadically seeing the student, then I will on an individual basis. Otherwise, I work with family to get them outside help as needed. Students will never be left to just “deal with it”.

Help Them Process Feelings

Students need help processing what they are feeling. Most students don’t know how to express exactly what they are feeling in words. So, simple activities where they can talk about their experiences and the feelings they have, will help them process tremendously.  One thing I like to do with my students who are grieving is to explain the grief cycle to them in kid terms. Using my white board and drawing it out helps kids be able to relate to some of those feelings and see a concrete example of what a cycle can look like. During this, I like to pause and let them talk about what they experience during the different phases. Also, this helps me understand more of where they are at. Most of the time, they have only experienced a few and have not yet made a full cycle. 

We talk a lot about how ALL feelings are okay, even the mad and angry ones. Students should learn that these feelings are not bad and that they’re all a normal part of the process and a normal part of being human. However, students should also be taught that it’s what we DO with those strong feelings that can sometimes get us into trouble.This is where teaching coping skills can come in handy. 

Grief Small-Group

Grief Monsters is a 6-Week Small-Group Curriculum that helps students go through each of these processes. Inside the resource, there are detailed lesson plans for the counselor to easily facilitate the small-group and help students along their journey. You will find a permission slip, pre & post assessments, 6 lesson plans, materials list, students activities and book suggestions. Take the guesswork out of your activities and meet the students where they are! This resource is super easy to use. Just print, gather materials and be ready to welcome students to their new group.

Click the image below to see more…

Make Your Space Inviting, Comfortable & Non-Judgmental

Your counseling space and personality play a huge role in helping students who are grieving, process feelings. Make them feel comfortable by being understanding about their feelings and having a welcoming attitude for students to WANT to come see you. You want them to want to come see you because it makes them feel better. Then, when they learn the skills they need to process, you will slowly turn the reins back over to them and let them self-assess and learn to cope on their own.

Having a counseling space that is inviting and comfortable can encourage a student to use the space. If the lights are bright, the room is quiet and the seating is an adult chair or desk. They might not open up and process as smoothly and easily because it looks and feels like an adult office or a classroom. Remember, meet them where they are! Have calming music quietly playing and have comfortable seating such as bean bags and dim the lights to help them feel like they’re not in the spotlight.

Above all else, remember, to make your space a judgement-free zone. Don’t just have a poster that states it.

Make students FEEL it.

You will make more progress with your students if they can feel how safe they are!

I hope this article helps you help students who are grieving. I would love to hear what other activities you do to help students and what challenges you face when helping students who are grieving.

 

Want to Read More on Grief? Check out this article…

How to Put Together a Grief Tub and Why You Need One